Last night, I dreamt about a guy I liked in high school. Vivid dreams are not common for me, but this was so clear and in color, like it was an actual reunion, with action and sequence and plot. I hadn't thought about this guy in years, but there he was and I woke up replaying conversations and moments blended from half-dream and half-history.
Regret is the first thing that comes to mind. What a silly girl I was! I handled the situation like a high school girl obsessed over a cute guy. And that's exactly who I was then.
Who I am NOW has the choice to forgive myself for being so 15-years-old at the time I was 15. To shake it off, but also glean the wisdom of experience to pass on to my daughter when it's time to talk about boys.
My current self also thinks about where he might be now. And that is where my self control must come in.
It's tempting to allow that wondering to turn to Facebook "investigating." To google his name or look through friends-of-friends posts to see if he'll pop up somewhere.
Here are some questions to ask ourselves when these ghosts from the past pop up and we're curious to want to search them out.
• Is it healthy? (Do I really need to see where he is now or what his life is like?)
• Is it wise? (Would I want to explain that to my husband?)
• How would this be beneficial? (I can't really think of ANY reason)
In the case of old boyfriends or friendships that ended long ago, unless forgiveness is needed, then it's safe to choose let. it. go.
The trick I use here is to turn that "curiosity" into prayer.
If I cared enough about him back then, then I do still care about him. A little anyway. As a person, an eternal being. Care enough to bring it to our Heavenly Father who knows exactly where he is and what his life is like now.When he comes to mind, I'll give him back to God and be thankful that he is no longer in my life. There's a reason people drift apart. Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, aren't they, Garth Brooks?
Most importantly, I'll pray for his salvation. For a Christian to cross his path that will share the truth of the Gospel with him. That his heart will be open to surrendering his life to Christ. I pray I will see him in Heaven. We won't be awkward teens anymore, but rather brothers and sisters for eternity, joint heirs with Christ. All is forgiven.
Maybe that's why I dreamt about him after all.
What about you? Do you have old boyfriends who pop back into your mind sometimes? If it is troubling to you, hopefully the "take it to the Lord in prayer" idea will work for you too.
If those memories are painful, pray that God would heal that wound in you and that you would be able to forgive... both them and yourself. Prayer will cleanse your thoughts about that person, as God tells us that He will take care of vengeance. So, it is our (sometime very difficult) job to pray for people who have not treated us well.
"Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." Luke 6:28
And don't look them up on Facebook. Just don't.