After 3 attempts of getting up from the chair, I quit trying.
I needed to stay right there and soak it in.
To continue caressing her hair as the lullabies played through their cycle again.
The muted light that shone through the slatted closet doors softly filled the room. I could feel my shoulders relax as I kissed her forehead for the tenth time.
I was feeling what no one else but me can experience. This reward was mine alone. One I have earned after several challenging days of parenting my toddler. A threen-ager that still benefits greatly from naps but will not give in to them lately.
My patience has worn thin with repetitive discipline. My correcting voice is often not quiet and sweet. I am convicted by the verse in Proverbs 31 "...in her tongue is the law of kindness" because it is not always.
But this peace. The peace that passes understanding that filled the room as I prayed over this beautiful blessing that God has entrusted me to Mommy. The Lord knows my struggles and hears me when I cry out for His wisdom in steering this child.
That moment was from Him.
Please, Lord, help me remember it always. This fleeting life and failing memory begs for retention of the deep, satisfying times.
Thank you Lord for giving me that timeless time to feel her breath on my chest as her body lay limp on my lap. You allowed me to experience her complete surrender and to bless me by overflowing my cup with peace, satisfaction, and forgiveness. Of myself and her. Thank you for giving me grace in my imperfect parenting.
It is You.
I crave to rest in You as she rested in me.